


Soul Searching

by enbykitty



Category: Undertale (Video Game)
Genre: Angst, Asgore Needs a Hug, Child Murder (mentioned), Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Implied/Referenced Suicide, Other, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, Violence
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-08-03
Updated: 2021-02-18
Packaged: 2021-03-06 02:14:05
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 7,899
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25695613
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/enbykitty/pseuds/enbykitty
Summary: "Every human that falls down here must die."From the moment Asgore uttered those words, he's cursed himself to live a life of loneliness, bloodshed and isolation. As king, he's fought fiercely to protect his kingdom and to give them hope. But after freedom suddenly arrives on their doorstep in the form of a human child that freed them, he's forced to face his mistakes and all of the consequences that has come with them.With this newfound freedom, Asgore struggles to adapt to the many changes that comes with adjusting to surface life and learns how to finally, at long last, begin to focus on himself as a person, rather than his duties and obligations as king.
Comments: 14
Kudos: 33





	1. Sunset

You haven’t seen the sun in years.

You hadn’t felt it in years, either.

It shines down upon your pristine white fur, warming it, warming your soul, your tired bones that had ached for so long. Every inch of you ached. You were so tired, so worn down, and now that you were on the surface, you were more than relieved. Relieved because you no longer had to fight- no longer had to hurt anyone - no longer had to spill blood, watching as it dripped down your pointed trident, and no longer had to desperately try to drown out the screams of your victims.

You knew what you did was cruel. You knew you were cruel - you were a monster in every word. You had stolen six lives of children, children who were no older than Asriel, or even Chara. Children who begged you over and over to stop, children who hugged you gently and laughed at how floppy your ears were, children who asked you for tea and children who had all met the same fate, sobbing and begging you to let them go home.

Your heart is wracked with guilt, and yet, you know deep down, none of you or your people would be here had it not been for your cruelty. 

And as you stare at the sunset, watching as the warmth sinks down into the glistening ocean, you realise for the very first time in your life that you were free.

.. It seems selfish, to feel so relieved that you were. But in a literal sense, you were. You were free. You didn’t have to hurt anyone anymore. Your people were free, and so were you. You could garden as many flowers as you liked and you could share your tea with everyone and try your hardest to make up for everything you had done. 

If only it were that easy.

You sigh, turning back to look at the others, who were cautiously approaching the woods near the city outskirts, after they had all run off. You knew that it wouldn’t be an easy journey to engage first contact with the humans. Your mind raced desperately with things that could go wrong - monsters being killed, having to flee back to the underground for your safety ..

You shook your head, sighing. You are too pessimistic and worrisome for your own good. 

You were scared, but you knew everyone else would be, too. The thought of that is enough to pick you up on your feet again. Your duties as a king are hardly over. You still need to be a source of hope for your people, for your kingdom. You would lead them into this new age, no matter how difficult it was. 

Duties and burdens. That was all you ever knew, and you deeply wished, yearned, to share it with someone. You had been alone for so long, too long to even count properly, but you had to get used to it. You would never have the comfort of a family life ever again.

You wonder what your son would think of the surface. It hit you, then, that moments before your son had died, he’d already been to the surface. The mere thought makes your heart ache with grief. _Had he seen the sky?_ The stars? What did he think of them?

You wished so dearly he had been able to appreciate the beauty of the surface without having to have suffered such a terrible fate.

A fate you failed to protect him from as a father.

..

You need to stop moping. Your feelings do not matter. You need to head back to the others. Check on how they’re doing, to see if anyone needs help with something. As a king, it is your duty to guide your people, regardless of how you feel.

As the sun slowly fades behind you, you head slowly to the human’s group - Frisk - and the others, and prepare to step towards a new journey you thought you would never dream of facing peacefully.


	2. Sky

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The prologue / first chapter was just to test out what perspective worked best with Asgore. In the end, I thought it would be less confusing to keep it in third perspective. I hope this doesn’t change too much of anything.

The surface had changed much more than Asgore thought it had.

What used to be large stone cold towers of brick castles had now been replaced with magnificent tall structures made of glass and light - skyscrapers, they were apparently called - that towered and stretched over the sea. At least one thing about the Surface had not changed - the ocean, and how innovative, capable and intelligent humans were, and benefiting from their survival of the war.

So easily impressed by their feats of wonder, Asgore almost forgot why they were all here in the first place. His walk slowly decreased to a small pace as he attempted to steady his breathing, his thoughts racing through his head. It was at times like this that he was most grateful for Toriel’s presence. Though he knew his leadership was enough, Toriel was always the one who had her head on her shoulders, who gave him the confidence that he leaned on, and the one who was always calm, decisive and always seemingly knew what to do.

He liked that about her. No - he  _ missed _ that about her. 

He exhaled heavily. He couldn’t be focusing on the past now. He couldn’t be thinking like that. Toriel was gone. A permanent reminder of what he used to have - but also of what he had lost. But it was her decision, and he respected it.

Toriel, in particular, had made the decision to quickly gather the rest after she and Frisk exchanged a few words after he’d left. Though it proved to be a bit of a challenge to find them at first, what with how eager they all were - he couldn’t quite blame them, they hadn’t seen the surface for themselves unlike him and Toriel after all - eventually they were all settled down, and sat themselves on the cool grass.

As the sky darkened around them, the warm sunset fading into a cool night glow, and the sound of familiar crickets began to chirp in the forest, Asgore’s anxiety only increased as he thought about how the meeting with the humans would go.

It wasn’t like he didn’t have any reason to worry. The war had devastated monsterkind, leaving thousands of them behind. So many of them - killed without mercy. He could remember the scent of dust all too well, scattered throughout the grass fields. 

He shook his head. He couldn’t think like that, now. He had to focus on the present - he must. 

Taking a moment to recollect his composure, he gazed about at the others as they began to set up camp behind the trees. It occurred to him that it would take a while before they could approach the humans. 

And to him, that was fine. It would delay the inevitable. 

Eager to help, the king marched forwards, the golden pauldrons weighing awfully heavy on his shoulders - but he didn’t mind, he was used to it. He looked around the campsite wistfully. It seemed that everyone already had a role assigned. He bit his lip, hesitating, then walked forwards to a familiar-looking woman.

“Tori,” he greeted calmly with a bright smile on his face. “How is everyone doi-”

“I am not going to say it again, Asgore.” Toriel sighed, glaring at the man before her. “Do not call me ‘Tori’. You are well within your right to remain on neutral terms with me. And must you constantly pester me while I am busy?” she huffed impatiently, crossing her arms defensively.

Asgore winced at her expression, but he didn’t back away. Instead, he remained there, awkwardly fumbling with his paws. “Well, um .. I was going to ask if I could help with anything,” he replied sheepishly, offering her a nervous grin.

“We are doing just fine without you,” Toriel replied thinly, exhaling heavily, as if she was already exhausted.

“Well .. alright.” Asgore gave up, wearily heading the other direction. “Gotta go.” 

He turned without a second glance, Toriel’s burning, angry gaze still piercing into his memory. 

* * *

As he headed down the path, he found himself glancing around at the forest. One of the many things about the surface that hadn’t changed, he noted, was the way the forest still remained the same after all these years. The tall pinewood forest, the way the leaves swayed with the wind .. he was surprised he still remembered it all, every nook & cranny, the way the logs shaped themselves over the paths. 

Even so, after centuries of blood and dust, it all remained the same. 

His mindless strolling eventually led him to a clearing, where the moonlight shone down on the grass and flowers. He recognised each & every mushroom and wildflower, from his years of exploring the woods as a child. It was a pastime hobby of his to escape his duties, before everything had turned out the way it had. 

He wore a slight smile as he basked in the moon’s gentle rays for a moment, before it faded slowly. He wondered how everyone else was doing. They must be having fun, he thought to himself as he sat down in the grass, watching the fireflies circle around him, illuminating his dark purple cloak.

He wished he could join them. He felt so alone.

_ “Asgore!” _

He turned slowly, an eyebrow raised as he wore his signature smile, gaze falling down upon the fish who had abruptly stormed into the clearing, wincing as he noticed she had accidentally crushed a few flowers on her way to finding him. Her gaze brightened as she saw him, a huge grin on her face as she approached him.

“Where have you been, old man? We've been looking for you!”

“Ah, howdy, Undyne.” He smiled cheerfully at her, warmly pulling her into a hug as soon as she was close enough to him, chuckling as she eagerly returned it with full force. “My apologies. I did not know the others were concerned about my whereabouts.”

“Geez, we might have to keep an eye on you if you’re gonna wander off like that!” Undyne laughed, pulling away from him as she rested a scaly hand on his shoulder. “Stop admiring the scenery all the time!”

“Ohoho ..” He chuckled warmly, feeling his soul lighten a bit as he placed a hand on her shoulder. “My apologies, Undyne. It is so good to see the nature of the surface again.”

“Yeah, yeah, I know ..” Undyne rolled her eyes with a grin, laughing to herself. “C’mon, I miss you. Let’s head back to the camp, yeah?”

Asgore nodded. “All right. I will meet you there.” 

“Aw, really? I thought you’d wanna take a nice stroll back to camp together.”

“Ah, well ..” Asgore smiled, unable to deny that he wanted to be by her side. “Some company would be appreciated.”

“YEAH!! That’s the spirit!” The fish grinned widely, and she spread her arms, embracing the rays of the moonlight that shone down onto her. “Walk through the dirt!! Kick some leaves!! Yell at the sun!!”

“Undyne ..” He chuckled, shaking his head. “It is midnight.”

“Yeah, yeah .. the moon!! Yell at the moon!” Undyne snorted, skipping ahead of Asgore, already becoming impatient. He laughed softly, following her slowly from behind. 

Eventually, they arrived back at the camp. Everyone that had been walking around and helping the others set up for their first night on the surface had already gone to bed, the only thing that lit up the darkened area was the warm light from the lanterns inside the tents. 

Asgore had then awkwardly realised he hadn’t set up his tent yet. He supposed it served him right, having moped around so much in misery all the time. 

“Oh yeah!” Undyne seemed to realise this as well as she piped up in front of him. “While you were gone, me and Alphys set up an extra spot for you. It .. might be a bit of a squish .. but you don’t usually mind that, right?” 

“Ah ..” Asgore felt himself blush with slight embarrassment. “You didn’t have to go to that effort.”

“Nonsense!” she laughed. “It’ll be like having a sleepover!” 

“Very well,” he agreed as he approached their tent, leaning down awkwardly as he did his best to squeeze through the flaps. “So long as you do not mind my presence, then.”

He settled down next to him, being careful not to scrape his horns against the ceiling fabric lest it come down on top of them. It was a bit of a tight squeeze, as he had expected - curling up away from them on the tent floor and snuggling into the blanket they had both found for him to use. 

They didn’t exactly have a sleeping bag that could fit him, but he didn’t quite mind. He had enough fur to keep him warm, anyhow.

* * *

Asgore’s sleep hadn’t been the most .. pleasant. 

He had worried that he had disturbed Alphys & Undyne with his tossing and turning - but they brushed him off with an awkward glance between each other. 

The next thing he knew, he was setting up his own tent. 

It was a bit of a hassle - but with the help of Sans and Papyrus, he managed to get it. He had set up in the best place he could find - just far enough away from everyone where he didn’t think he would bother them, but close enough that they could walk to it if they needed anything from him. 

And then after that .. well, there was nothing. And when he had nothing to do, Asgore did what he knew best: help those around him.

Or at the very least try to - in his own bumbling, somewhat awkward manner. 

He looked over to Toriel, watching her bustling around the camp - before feeling a twinge of guilt, and he sighed, looking away and down at his paws. He felt ashamed for hovering around her so much - and he hated every moment of it, of wanting to apologise, and say something -  _ anything _ \- that would repair what they had and go back to, at the very least amicable terms - but the damage had been done. He had pushed her away, and he had to pay the price for it, even if it stung.

He hated himself for it.

He sighed and shook his head, looking around at what everyone was doing so far. He supposed he should see what he could do to help, rather than just standing around. 

And the first thing he had realised was that Frisk was nowhere to be seen. 

He felt his concerns quickly begin to rise. How had he not noticed this yet? Was Toriel aware? He looked up at the sky, which had filled with clouds by now, very well on the way to pouring down with rain. He hoped desperately to himself that the worst of what he thought had happened wouldn’t turn out to be true. 

Taking a deep breath, he went inside of his tent, undoing the golden pauldron and the clasps sitting on his shoulders, and placed them on the ground. This would help him move much more quickly. He thought about summoning his trident, just in case - but he then decided against it. He would be fine without it. 

Slipping out of the camp unnoticed was much harder, however. Truth be told, he only wanted to do a quick scout - and head back to the mountain if necessary - given his tall height, he could do this easily. 

He didn’t have to look for too long, however.

He hiked as fast as he could up to the mountain, and over to the figure who he thought it was - and to his relief, it looked up as soon as it saw him, confirming their identity.

“Frisk,” he let out a sigh as he slowed down, stopping right in front of them. “What are you doing here?”

Frisk tilted their head as they gave him a slow wave, before signing.  _ Are they looking for me? _

“No, no one has noticed yet,” he assured them as he tentatively approached them, wondering whether or not he should crouch or sit. He decided with the latter, sitting just a fair distance away from them. 

Frisk flinched slightly, and paused. It was all too painfully familiar to Asgore, and he did his best to scoot back a bit, not wanting to scare them or upset them any further.

_ Why did you come looking for me?  _ they eventually asked, looking away from him.  _ You barely know me. _

“Ah, I just .. I wanted to make sure you were alright.” He sighed softly. “I am sorry. I can leave you alone, if you would like.”

_ No!  _ They quickly shook their head.  _ No, no .. please stay. _

“Very well,” he agreed to their request, crossing his legs as he sat from across them. “Would you like to tell me about what is bothering you?”

Frisk seemed to hesitate as they clasped their hands together slightly, and bit their lip. Asgore waited patiently, not rushing them or interrupting their train of thought. They eventually put down their hands, fingers falling to the grass and beginning to pick it, tossing it aside the cliff.

“I’m .. scared,” they admitted out loud with a whisper, frowning. At Asgore’s lack of response, they sighed, deciding to clarify. “Of facing the humans.”

“.. Ah,” Asgore replied after a moment, a slight frown on his face. 

“I just don’t know what to do,” they told him with a shrug. “Sorry, I .. I know that isn’t very Ambassador-like.”

“Oh, dear ..” Asgore shook his head. “You do not need to do anything like that. Please do not worry about keeping up performances. I promise you, you will not have to do any political duties.” He smiled weakly. “You are, in fact, still just a child. You deserve to play in the sun and spend time with your friends. I will be handling the .. more intricate side of things, hoho.” 

Frisk was silent, kicking their legs against the rough ground. They then nodded, looking a little more relieved, much to Asgore’s satisfaction. He then got up, looking at the sun rising in the distance. “Would you like a piggy back-ride?”

They looked at him hesitatingly before nodding, scrambling up and climbing onto his robes. He chuckled, leaning down a bit so they could sit on his neck. He was so large that they could wrap their arms around his head with ease, their small hands holding onto his horns as he began to traverse down the mountain.

As he expected, Toriel had taken noticed of their disappearance. She was over by his side in a flash, whisking Frisk to her side and glaring up at him.

“What did you do with them?” she snapped, her icy stare not leaving his as she squinted through him. “You best not have hurt them, or so help me, Dreemurr!”

“I did not hurt them,” Asgore patiently replied, looking down at Frisk, who looked uncertain and a little confused. “I simply found them-”

“So you lead them away from the camp?” Toriel immediately guessed, her lips thinly pressed together as she stood in front of them, her gaze protective yet angry. Frisk flinched, not enjoying the conflict. 

Asgore bit his lip, not wanting to throw the child underneath. But before he could respond, they finally spoke up with a quiet whisper. 

“I .. It wasn’t him,” they said, fiddling with their fingertips, almost reflexively clutching a hold of Toriel’s dress. “I’m sorry .. I left on my own for a bit.”

Toriel looked down at them before sighing softly, as if a weight had been lifted off of her chest. “And you allowed Asgore to accompany you? Why is this, my child?” 

Frisk shrugged. “He was the first one to look for me, that’s all there is to it.”

The boss monster looked harder at Asgore, who swallowed nervously, unsure of what to say. 

She then sighed softly, looking back at Frisk, her expression having softened somewhat. “You really should not be wandering off like that, small one. There are still many dangers out there that I fear I would not be able to protect you from. I am very sorry if I am bothering you too much about this. But please, dear one .. just stay inside of the camp for now. Where I and the others can see you.” 

They didn’t respond, except with a small sigh and a slight nod. Satisfied, Toriel took their hand and lead them back inside of the camp, leaving Asgore alone.

The conversation had stung, leaving a bitter feeling in his throat. He began to walk towards the trees, where a nearby log was sitting perched perfectly underneath the sun. He reluctantly sat down on it, and looked up towards the sun, watching the clouds he had not seen in a thousand years float by idly.

.. Was he really that dangerous and monstrous? Had his actions been so cruel that his actions to do the right thing, no matter what he did, would always be seen with ulterior motives in his former love’s eyes?

He knew Toriel had every right to be afraid for Frisk around him. He knew that, despite what he had lost, he had the trust of many others and he knew how much they cared deeply for him. But it didn’t change anything. He wished from the bottom of his soul he knew how to time travel so he could fix his mistakes and correct his foolishness.

They would leave tomorrow. They had to. Even if he was dreading it. 

If they were to ever truly know peace, after decades of war and violence .. he was ready to put an end to it for once and for all. 

  
  
  
  



	3. Decision

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N: Hey y’all, I just wanted to say a quick note before we get into this chapter - warning for a long spiel ahead. First of all - I really, truly, am incredibly grateful for the small select few, yet wonderful and supportive comments I’ve received on my fanfic so far. As you can tell, Asgore means a lot to me as a fictional character, and I’ve always loved writing, in spite of not having published any of my works for many years - purely out of anxiety. 
> 
> I’ve always felt as though Asgore is among one of the most misunderstood characters out there in the fandom, and my frustrations have only continued to persist, especially considering recently I’ve been through some pretty bad stuff - I will not go into detail, but I ended up getting harassed pretty badly to the point of being stalked (as well as my own family) just for liking him. This fanfic is, in a way, hoping to explore Asgore’s motivations and clear up the enormous misunderstandings around his character, as well as do this as a form of catharsis. I relate a lot to Asgore, so much that I feel connected with him, and me writing this story is my way of expressing that.
> 
> I’ve never had the best father figure, and his character overall helped me begin to realise just how manipulative my father was, and as a teenager, I would often wish Asgore was my dad instead, feeling he was better than the one I had. I didn’t really understand my feelings, but it helps me to cope when I think about how loving and kind he is, especially with young children, despite not being able to in his position. I was in a really dark place when Undertale was released, so I’m really thankful for his character, and this fanfic is a love letter to him, in a way. 
> 
> So as you can tell, this story will have a lot of dark things in it - hence the warnings. I want to make it clear I don’t want to just write this for the edginess or angst - I feel like no one takes Asgore or his overall depression and mental health issues seriously, so this is me exploring that thoroughly from the perspective of someone who has dealt with those issues. This story is mostly for me, but it’s also for those who are curious or are interested in reading a serious look on his psyche and how he moves on from his trauma. 
> 
> And if you don’t like Asgore - that’s fine, too. I am in no way trying to excuse his actions whatsoever - what I hope to aim for is addressing them without ‘woobifying’ his character completely, but giving him room to grow from it as well. 
> 
> Anyway, that’s it for my long ramble. Thank you for reading so far. I hope this fic will be as enjoyable reading it as I had fun writing it. 
> 
> Comments are always welcome!

“Please listen, everyone. Although I am sure you are all eager to reconnect with humans, we must consider that they will not be expecting our arrival.”

Asgore’s voice was clear and determined as he addressed everyone in the camp and spoke of his orders, glancing at a few other monsters that had arrived already at the camp, eager to sight see the surface, but had quickly settled down with the others once they were encouraged to stay. He felt it was his duty to ensure their safety. He didn’t want anyone to die ever again. The thought of it was almost too much to bear.

“Today will be the mark of sharing contact with humans on the surface for the first time in a hundred years. Should this meeting go to plan, we will migrate officially and establish peace with humanity. And as we hope to, we will maintain that peace for generations to come.”

The boss monster scanned around the camp, looking down at the hopeful faces of his friends. Frisk was right there in the front, looking up at him with a small smile on their face, knowing their first official job as Ambassador was soon to come. 

It was silently agreed that their plan was to send a monster with Frisk, in order to meet up with the humans. Initially, Asgore was going to go with them - but after discussing this with Toriel, it was then decided that Toriel would go in his place instead, being the least intimidating-looking monster amongst the group, and Asgore being the most. 

As harshly as she had been treating him, he couldn’t help but agree with her. Making a good first impression to the humans was absolutely vital, and above all else, he needed to ensure Frisk’s - and monsterkind’s safety, should things go wrong. 

Toriel was the perfect candidate for that. 

“Thank you, and I am sorry for interrupting what you were all up to. You may go back to what you were doing.”

  
  


As the monsters began to disperse, Asgore once again was left alone with his thoughts. Though he didn’t want to stray too far from the camp again since last time, he still felt restless, his feet itching to take him on a nice stroll around the woods. He gazed around at the camp before stretching in place a little, grunting as he sat himself down onto a log and closing his eyes, meditating peacefully. 

His silence was soon interrupted as he felt a presence next to him again, and he did not have to look to know who it was, as a smile began to form on his face again. He cracked one eye open, glancing to his side. “Howdy, Undyne.”

“Hey, big guy.” Undyne beamed cheerfully at him as she crossed her legs, her colorful red ponytail flowing in the wind. “What brings you here?”

Asgore was silent, unsure of how to respond to her question. If the fish knew anything about the king, it was that he didn’t like bothering others with his concerns. Over the years since spending time with him, she had gotten fairly good at assessing his troubled face, and as impatient as his silence made her, she had become better at discerning what was concerning him so much.

“You worried about the humans?” she asked him as she leaned back slightly, holding onto the log she was sitting on tightly. “Don’t worry about em! If things go south, we can just beat ‘em up!” A quick frown in her direction made her laugh nervously, and she immediately backed down. “Or, uh, we can just do what Frisk says, I guess.”

“I hope it goes well,” he murmured, sighing softly as he watched Frisk and Toriel disappear from the forest view. “Truthfully, I am .. still rather nervous about meeting with humanity.” He then forced a smile on his face. “But I have hope in my heart their souls will be met with compassion. Perhaps after all these years, humanity has changed.”

The words he spoke aloud felt strange to him. The last time humanity had ever interacted with monsters on the surface - it was when they had killed his children. He didn’t voice these fears aloud - it was duty, and responsibility as king to keep up the hope of his people. 

It didn’t matter what he thought, or felt. 

“How long do you think they’ll be?”

He looked thoughtful at Undyne’s question, tilting his head as he thought for a moment. “They may be a long while,” he informed her after a bit. “I imagine they may cause quite a stir at first, but I trust Toriel will handle it well. She has always been the more level-headed one between us two.” 

As he spoke these words, he couldn’t help but smile sadly at just how true it was. He was consistently reminded, time and time again, of just how much they relied on each other, before things had turned out so terribly. It wasn’t like he relied on her for absolutely everything - at least, he hoped he had not. Was that perhaps why she had left, aside from what he had sworn to do? 

Undyne was quiet, looking at him solemnly before looking away. He couldn’t help but feel guilt at letting his facade briefly slip before her. But before he could reassure her, she then spoke up. 

“You don’t have to tear yourself down all the time, you know?” she muttered, lurching forwards and leaning on her knee with her arm. “Asgore, I’m .. not gonna pretend to know what happened between you. But you need to move on. Neither of you are perfect.”

The words stung slightly. Asgore bit his lip slightly, unsure of what to say in response. In a way, Undyne was right, but .. he didn’t want to move on. He wasn’t sure if he even could. Moving on would mean accepting that he had lost everything. That he was alone and without a family. He squeezed his eyes shut, and exhaled slowly.

“I appreciate your concern, Undyne.” He saw the way the fish’s fins wilted slightly, as if not fully convinced, and he placed a gentle warm paw on her shoulder, forcing a warm chuckle. “I assure you, I am alright. I just get caught up in the moment. Hoho!” 

His gentle laughter came with ease to him - not in the sense that he felt happy, but it was something he was so used to doing by now that he had forgotten what real laughter felt like. But with practice came perfection, and Undyne’s smile soon returned to her face, much to his relief. 

“You old fart,” she laughed aloud, standing up from where she was. “Alright then. Call me when the shuttle lands,” she joked teasingly.

“Err .. there is no shuttle to be seen, Undyne.”

“I meant- Ugh! Forget about it.” She groaned, rolling her eyes, though the smile on her face gave away her mirth. “You wouldn’t understand what it means.”

And with that, Undyne had run back to huddle back with Alphys. He didn’t know why, but he felt almost a strange sense of confusion and bewilderment by this. Was he really that old, or did he just not understand what she meant? Was he slow? Daft? Not wanting to focus on it, he got up from where he as as well, heading towards his tent. 

It was a while before Toriel and Frisk would return, and he was already feeling a sense of anxiety in his gut. He coped with this anxiety by brewing himself some tea in his thermostat, which he had retrieved in case of emergency - and there were plenty of emergencies to be had. He was honestly a little surprised he hadn’t drank some tea in the past hour - for it had helped him cope with stress, and when things had become just a little too much for him.

Making some tea now was the perfect opportunity to quell his doubts. 

Even the relaxing sound of the kettle boiling was enough to calm him - and although he only had water and fire magic to use a makeshift one for now, it reminded him of home. It kept him .. grounded, and made him feel safe. 

The hot liquid, as he brought it to his lips, warmed his soul and body, and made him feel less cold and alone. A smile, a real smile began to form on his face as he relaxed with his tea, closing his eyes. Although he was isolated in his room, it was as if he had been transported into a world of his own, where he was happy.

… 

If only that was a permanent feeling. 

As the gentle feeling began to fade, he put his now empty teacup aside, feeling restless once more. Perhaps .. perhaps he could spend some time with the others. And go on for a nice walk.

So a walk they went on. 

As Asgore suspected, it was a while before Toriel and Frisk returned. He was sure the others were worried as well - so to keep their minds and hearts in good spirits, he took them on a hike on the mountain. 

He of course had wasted no time taking a closer look at the beautiful wildflowers growing nearby - but it had unfortunately ended up .. rather poorly, as Undyne and Alphys quickly had to go home due to bee stings. It was a miracle he hadn’t been stung by them himself - but as he plucked the remaining flowers from his beard, before deciding to keep a few, he made a decision that he would be careful next time when it came to his joy and pleasure involving flowers. 

The afternoon came and went, and soon, it had been another day on the surface in camps. The stars had already begun to appear in the dusty evening sky, the last rays of the sun casting a cool warm gold on the sky as dusk soon fell upon the camp.

Looking around, Asgore could tell that he wasn’t the only one who was apprehensive and anxious for their return. He sighed, glancing down over to Sans, who had been checking his phone for any messages he might have missed - at least, that’s what he assumed he was doing. Even the normally laidback comedian looked worried.

And that’s when he heard footsteps. 

Well - they all did. 

The sight in front of him caused him to stiffen with fright, his eyes wide as he found himself confronted with what they saw. He slowly relaxed, exhaling slightly, but still remained on guard. 

In front of them was Toriel, Frisk and - a human who was armed with a rifle.

Toriel was quick to ease their worries, however. “Do not fear, everyone!” she announced, staring calmly at the others and looking around as she addressed them. “This human is just here to escort us. We have successfully managed to speak with the mayor of the city. He has requested to meet us in his office tonight, and has offered us a place to stay in the town hall.” 

Asgore felt himself - including everyone - breathe a sigh of relief. Finally. After many long and painful centuries .. the war would be over with.

Or so he hoped it would be. This would be a step in the right direction, at the very least.

Asgore followed the man and Toriel silently back to the town hall, glancing between the two anxiously. The human had said nothing to them, its face stone cold as it marched its way too their town hall. And it was then that Asgore remembered - right. Surely, this human had to have a name. 

“I do not believe you have introduced yourself yet,” he hummed as they continued to walk further away from the mountain. 

The man was silent before it spoke suddenly, and loudly, in a clear, authoritative voice. “Sergeant Williams,” he responded sharply, not taking his eyes off of the road ahead of them. “Major. You may address me as sir.”

“Err .. alright. Sir.” 

He couldn’t help but wince with pain and confusion as he saw Toriel glare at him out of the corner of her eyes. He held back a sigh. He didn’t want to make things worse, so he stayed quiet for the rest of the journey, the monsters chattering amongst themselves - yet he stayed silent. 

Eventually, they reached the town hall without much issue. The dark concealed them perfectly, cloaking them away from too much attention, though it seemed a few of the locals in the surrounding area had expected them to arrive, given their glances towards them. Asgore couldn’t shake the nervousness in his stomach, but he kept pressing forward with the others.

Once they reached inside, they were quickly guided by several other armed men who ushered them inside an elevator. They were stopped, however, when half the group clambered inside already, and it was then explained it was dangerous to hold any more than four people at once. Asgore made a decision to go in last, after much thought about his own weight. He had been told he weighed at least two times the average monster, and he didn’t want to add onto what it could hold. 

The wait on the elevator, as he ascended to the top level, was painfully slow, but nothing he was unused to, save for the lack of hum the elevators in the CORE had when he stepped in to use them. These machines were .. much quieter, giving him a moment to think about the events that had transgressed thus far. 

He didn’t have long to think, however, as it soon came to a halt, and he joined the others on the top floor, who were all waiting for him with several other armed men. 

Gazing around the hall, he took note of how grand it looked, reminding him briefly of what the old monster castle used to look like, when it hadn’t been in ruins. He sighed fondly at the memories, and followed the others to a larger door, pushing them open. 

“Mayor Jean Whittington,” the man - Sergeant William, who had been leading them to the office, spoke across to a woman who was bent over her desk, evidently going through her paperwork. 

The woman in particular looked up sharply. She had pale, freckled skin, dark, greying ash brown hair tied tightly in a bun, and a pair of thin, round glasses with strap that hid her cold brown eyes well. She wore an azure blue dress and a black undershirt underneath, with black high heels. Clearly, her appearance reflected that of someone who was a very important and high-ranking official. Even without a crown, she had a clear sense of authority about her.

“Ah, you brought them,” she spoke loftily as she gazed at the group. Her tone was on edge, but she folded her wrinkled hands together, staring up at them carefully, before gazing back, her voice now cool and emotionless. “Sergeant, you may stay. As for the rest of the men, you may leave.”

The armed men all dispersed quickly, walking in such a way that Asgore couldn’t help but feel was .. odd. They were all stiff, jointed, and walked in a neat line. Humans truly were peculiar beings - but he wasn’t going to judge. Perhaps they had a reason for doing that.

Jean Whittington nodded as they left, then turned back to the group. Asgore then noticed she was staring at him in particular, and felt rather uncomfortable under her gaze. “I am terribly sorry for having the soldiers accompany you on your way. But rest assured, it was for within very good reason.” She pressed her lips together. “This was, indeed, an incredibly unprecedented event.”

Asgore was only half-paying attention.

Soldiers.

Even after everything, even after all these years .. humans hadn’t disbanded their army. Once again, he was left feeling uncomfortable, an uneasy feeling stirring within his stomach. It seemed that even Toriel looked uncomfortable, for the first time since they had arrived here. That, or she had just been hiding it well. 

“Soldiers?” she echoed eventually, staring coolly at the mayor, unmoving from where she was. “I thought we made it clear we have come here peacefully.”

  
  


“Yeah,” Undyne was clearly unimpressed as well, though that didn’t come as much of a surprise to him. “What did you exactly have planned, huh?” She narrowed her eye suspiciously at them. 

  
  


“Now, hold on!” Jean defensively raised her hands, quick to try and control the situation. “We brought our soldiers for a .. very good reason, I assure you.” She paused for a brief moment before continuing again. “It was to ensure your safety. As you can imagine, there have already been monster sightings reported, and we are doing our best to assess our current plans going forward.”

“I do not know what you mean by ‘plan’,” Toriel replied calmly. “You may go on.”

The mayor put down her hands on her desk at last. “In our time, legends of monsters have been more than popular. For the longest time, we have kept records of monster history secret, in hopes we never had to uncover it again. Some of it has even been forgotten or destroyed - which is .. unfortunate, but I assure all of you, we did this for a reason.”

The uneasy stares from the group only intensified the tension between them. Sergeant went to step near them, but she raised a hand, stopping him in his tracks. “We thought monsters died out many years ago and went extinct,” she spoke clearly after a moment. “We are aware some kind of altercation happened between us centuries ago. But that is about the rest of what we know so far. Had there been any more monsters out there - we did not know if they would be hostile.”

“And so you respond back with hostility?” Undyne argued, fins flaring back in irritation. Asgore gently put a paw on her shoulder, and she sighed, backing down, but she kept her uneasy stare on them.

“We can’t just risk having random people storm into our office. Do you really think we would allow this to be a public spectacle?” Jean sighed, pinching at the bridge of her nose. “We get enough ruthless rioters as it is. We don’t need people questioning our methods any further.”

Toriel pursed her lips back together. “Very well. You have made your reasons clear, and we will not argue with those reasons. However,” she continued, placing her paws on the desk. “As it stands - we would like to integrate with human society. Peacefully. And if all goes well - we shall be on amicable terms, and put our history behind us.”

Jean went quiet, then nodded after a moment. “I figured you’d ask something like that. Alright - you may stay for the night. But,” she spoke up, lifting a hand before Toriel could interrupt her again. “Under no circumstances are you to go outside, until further no notice.”

She watched as the group’s eyes widened, each and every one of them looking shocked by her command. Even Frisk looked uncomfortable, as emotionless as their facade was. But she carried on. “We will organise the paperwork, inform the press, and schedule a public announcement in front of the town hall podium. This will take a couple of days, but I assure you, it will not be long.” She smiled and nodded, but for some reason, her expression looked .. off. As if it was forced. But whatever Asgore saw in her smile was gone as she got out of her seat. 

“Right, Sergeant, please show them to their rooms.”

  
  
  
  


And so Asgore soon found himself once more blindly following the soldier, who each assigned them a room each for as many of them as they could allow. One such room that had been arranged that had caused an even more obvious shift in Toriel’s mood, however, was when they decided to group Toriel and Asgore to sleep together. Not in the same bed, no - but in the same room. 

And Toriel clearly wasn’t having it - but to his surprise, despite her evident disgust and disappointment, she went with it.

  
  


Asgore wasn’t sure whether he wanted to be happy or sad, knowing he’d be near her again - but she didn’t seem too pleased about it, and knowing her, she would have ignored him entirely for the rest of the nights, simply pretending he didn’t exist - which he was fine with.

Except that wasn’t what happened - at least, for tonight.

“Asgore.” Toriel’s arms folded, staring up at him hard as she approached him. It was a bit odd, seeing her with such a serious expression while they were both in their sleepwear. “We need to talk.”

Asgore stopped what he was doing and looked towards her. “What is it, Tori?”

She grimaced at his nickname, but decided to ignore it this time. “We need to make a decision,” she replied curtly as she sat on her bed. “Have you made up your mind yet about what you are going to do?”

He was slightly confused. “Errr .. about what?”

Toriel threw her hands up in the air, looking exasperated. “You seriously do not know?” she exclaimed, sighing. 

“I .. I’m afraid not, Tori- Toriel.” Asgore replied sheepishly, looking away. He wasn’t sure if he could look at her angry gaze any longer. 

“Of course you don’t ..” she sighed in frustration, staying where she was. But her voice soon intensified in hostility as she looked back at him. “Are you going to tell them about the things you have done?”

It didn’t take long for Asgore’s soul to drop at the question. Of course .. he should have known. What an ignorant fool he was. The thought honestly had not crossed his mind, so preoccupied was he with arranging peace with the humans that he had been .. neglecting to do much reflected thought and the decisions he had to make as a leader. He was still a king, after all. There was still so much more he had to do left.

“Well?” Toriel prompted him, as she raised an eyebrow.

“I .. truthfully, do not know,” Asgore replied humbly, after much thought. “If it means owning up for every action and crime I have committed and done, then .. I suppose. But ..” He squared his shoulders, looking down at his knees. “I do not know if I can risk my kingdom’s safety. It .. it may cause humans to become afraid .. and they may turn on us again.”  _ Just like they did before, _ though the words went unsaid. “I do want to have faith in humanity, it is just .. I must take care of my people,” he sighed softly, after a moment.

Toriel was silent for a moment. “You .. do not want to go to war with them?”

“No ..” He looked at her with a pained expression. “I am so tired of it, Toriel. What do you think I’ve been doing all this time?”

“I thought you were avoiding responsibility,” Toriel replied, though her voice had noticeably softened somewhat. 

Asgore shook his head. “Believe me, Tori .. I am doing everything in my power to own up for ..” He grimaced, and clutched his chest with his paw, his expression tightening with grief and guilt. “For what I have done. And I am .. truly sorry.”

Toriel looked satisfied, but she didn’t say anything after a moment. Then she rolled into her bed, pulling the blankets over her. “I am going to bed now. Goodnight.”

He felt stung by her coldness, but he exhaled softly, reaching over and turning off the lamp, before climbing into his own bed. It felt much too small for him, for someone his size - especially due to the fact it was a single bed. He missed the feeling of his own king-sized bed, as empty as it felt with someone there. But perhaps he would sleep better knowing Toriel was near him.

…

He didn’t end up sleeping.

Asgore lay awake in the dark, his mind racing as he thought over what she said. Initially, he had been more than content to forget about everything and presume peacefully, living a life of warmth and solace in his own home, and having others visit him. But Toriel, as harsh of a reminder it was, already grounded him back to reality - in the worst way possible. 

He felt as if his own guilt would choke him. She was right. He truly was a terrible creature - for not having listened to her, for doing what he had done .. and now, trying to go back to things as if they were normal again. 

But in a strange way, he never noticed himself drifting away from the present. He never did. He’d been coping this way for so long, trying to forget the things around him that it had become natural. It had always just been him, alone with his flowers, and smiling as he heard the laughter of his children in the background, pretending for just a moment that he was okay, that he hadn’t lost everything or lost sight of his future. 

What a beautiful dream that was. Just him and his garden, with no one else to interfere.

He did not have a garden now, though - not anymore. Asgore thought to himself long and hard before he made a decision. 

He would explain everything on that day - and vow to himself that he would make up for it.  It was a while before sleep claimed him, but soon, he fell asleep, his mind made up. 

He would do his best to make sure that his crimes were his own. Not anyone else's. 

It was his responsibility. 


End file.
